As the rain lulled me to sleep last night, for some reason I kept wondering what the beach looked like in this drippy weather. So when I woke up this morning and found that it was still raining, I happily declined my mom's invite to a church outing, grabbed some necessities, and drove off to the coast.
The horizon was so beautiful. Dark hues of blue and green, various shades of gray. I kept staring at the middle part, where the sky and the ocean appeared indistinguishable at first. And then the rain paused for a minute and a shockingly bright line of sun sliced the horizon, clearly defining the border between the sky and the water.
Then the sky started to cry once again, and I suddenly realized how surprisingly calm I felt. As Sigur Rós and José González serenaded me on repeat, as the downpour intensified, and as the sweeping gray swallowed the world, I was struck by the complete absence of sadness. As if the natural human reaction to this moment, this scene was to feel melancholy--and yet I was drenched by a calm. A potent tranquility. It was unexpected and elegant.
I get in these moods once in a while, where I just want to escape, get me out of my head, be alone. As I got ready to share these images though, I started thinking about how ridiculous I (and many people I know) can be. I mean, it seems like a strange contradiction to desire and experience solitude and then simultaneously feel the need to share your solitude once it's over. I mean, have you ever experienced pure solitude? The kind that completely empties your mind? The kind that obliterates any pressure and thoughts of recounting the experience to your friends? The kind that, once it's over, you want to keep a secret, not because you're ashamed that you were alone, but because you know that once you share your experience, it loses its specialness, its value somehow? Rarely for me. I'm often drawn to share. But anyway, pure solitude is great.
I'm gonna be in this mood for a little while longer, and if you feel the same, let's listen to Karen O and the Kids together.
http://hypem.com/track/936274/Karen+O+and+the+Kids+-+Hideaway
